Sex & Dating

15 Ways To Save Your Marriage Now

New York Smash Magazine  

No matter what condition your relationship is in, or how many conflicts you’ve had, the simple truth is that you and your significant other were once in love. Sometimes a relationship is not salvageable and it’s better for both parties to go their separate ways. As they say, “When one door closes, another opens.”

However, many relationships and marriages can be saved. In fact, recent studies suggest that the divorce rate has actually been declining in the last 20 years, according to a new piece in the New York Times’ data blog Upshot.

So, if you believe it’s worth the effort to save your marriage, these strategies can truly make a difference. Provided by psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist Jay P. Granat, Ph.D., founder of Stay In The Zone, here are 15 expert strategies that can improve your relationship.


1. Don’t rush to get married if your courtship is riddled with conflict. A good courtship can lead to a good relationship. A stormy courtship is often a sign of trouble between two people. Consider premarital counseling.

2. Be careful about marrying your first love or your high school sweetheart. You will grow and change a lot in the next 20 years and you may not develop in a compatible manner.

3. Live together before you get married. If cohabitating does not work, your marriage will probably not work out. Conversely, if living together goes nicely, it is a good sign that you may have chosen the right partner.

4. Compromise. Compromise. Compromise.

5. Always let go of small conflicts.

6. Take these signs seriously and know this: Alcoholism, drug abuse, mental illness, infidelity, physical abuse and lying can put a lot of pressure on a marriage.

7. Try to get on the same page or a compatible page as often as you can.

8. Remember, you did not say “I do” to your in laws. You and your spouse are what your marriage is really about. Most of the time, you need to put your relationship first.

9. At times, it is best to just “let things be.”

10. Sometimes, these two magical words can help: “Yes, dear.”

11. Ask and discuss. Never demand.

12. Make time for intimacy at least once or twice a week.

13. Conflicts around parenting are quite common. Try to blend your parenting styles. Usually one parent is more of a disciplinarian than the other one is. The other parent may be a bit more flexible regarding discipline. Somewhere in the middle is probably right.

14. Avoid the silent treatment. Some couples withdraw from each other when angry or hurt. Living in this distant silence for an extended period of time is painful and unhealthy. Try to resolve conflicts efficiently.

15. Always maintain a sense of humor. You and your relationship will need it.

Jay P. Granat, Ph.D. is a psychotherapist and licensed marriage and family therapist. He has developed a three-hour one-day boot camp for couples who want to improve their relationships. He can be reached via e-mail at